Sunday, May 29, 2016

Sinus and whiney

I know I haven't posted in a while.   This past week I have been way off track, both eating and fitness wise.   I have not  made my step goal one day this week,and my eating has been up and  down.   I know why... I have been dealing with massive sinus issues this past week, and I have no energy. I'm not sleeping well at night,  and I can't breath.   It pretty much blows.   Additionally, my stress level has been much higher than normal for various reasons, including end of  the school year and trying to get a summer job,  issues with the husband's job,  and gearing up for summer semester in grad school. As an ex substance abuse counselor,  I know what all of this means....risk of relapse.   I used to tell clients that being sick was a high risk situation,  because eating and sleeping patterns and normal routines were thrown out of wack.  Add in a complete change of routine for me,  and it's a recipe for disaster.   Summer will be a challenge.   My normal  routine is completely gone.  However,  it does open up ample opportunity to work out,  and to establish new routines.   I know what you do and how to do it.   I wish I had the energy to be more active,  because even basic housework right now drains me.   But I'm not going to let it derail me.   I've worked too hard to get to where I'm at,  and even though I've got  a long way to go,  I'm sure a heck of a lot farther down the path than I was Jan 1 of this year,  and I've worked too hard to turn back now.

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Mind games

I hit a goal this week.  I've dropped 30 pounds, or 10% of my starting weight.   In WW,  that was the first big goal.   Old habits die hard!!  I had on a pair of shorts today I could barely get into last fall.   Today,  they buttoned and zipped without sucking in my stomach.   I've noticed my clothes are fitting better,  and I'm feeling pretty good about what I've accomplished and my continuing journey.   And then.... It happens...The mind games. Those voices in my head that say 'yeah,  but you're still in fat girl clothes.   Still plus size.   Still obese.' and I begin to minimize how far I've come.  I know  the mind games are a big part of
 the reason gained the weight back... Plus some.   I've got to find a way to get new tapes going,  and to rewrite the mind games with a positive spin instead of the negative. There's no way to be successful in reaching my goal and staying there if I don't.

Saturday, March 12, 2016

Progress... Slowly

Today was a good day!  I went and bought a pair of jeans in a size smaller than the ones I bought in December,  that I'm tired of pulling up.  It's hard for me to see any progress,  but I guess something is changing.   Down almost 30 pounds, and that magical 10%.   What I have noticed is it's getting easier at the gym.   I can go longer  on the treadmill at a higher speed,  and I'm not as out of  breath.  But sometimes,  I get mad at myself.  I have to keep reminding myself,  it didn't come on overnight, so it's not going to come off overnight.   It's just frustrating sometimes! I can supportive and a cheerleader  for  everyone else, so why can't I cut myself some slack??  That's a big hurdle I need to overcome...

Monday, February 22, 2016

Finding my groove

Last week,  I finally managed to work out all 7 days, even if it was just walking a mile. I've faithfully logged my food intake every day for going on two months.  I need to stop beating myself up over fluctuations in the scale.   People have commented they can tell I've lost weight.  I'm proud of the work I've put in,  and the results,  no matter how slowly they seem to be coming. So why do I let a number on a scale bother me so much?I need to remember.... It didn't go on in a day,  it's not going to come off in a day either.   Progress, not perfection.  

Saturday, February 6, 2016

A long, rough week

This past week has definitely been a challenge.   The hubby was sick Monday,  and I got it Wednesday - that stomach bug that has been making the rounds.   Thursday,  I had a melt down.   I was feeling better,  but still exhausted.   I had started a 21 Day Arm challenge on Monday, as well as gone to the gym,  but hadn't done either since then because of illness.   My eating was out of whack,  and I was sorely disappointed with my lack of accomplishing anything during the week.   I posted about it in my HU2 group,  and got such amazing support and encouragement, as well as from a couple of friends I vented to.   I still didn't get to the gym on Friday,  but  I did make sure to log over 10,000 steps for  the day,  and started a 30 day push up challenge.   Today,  I've updated my challenge calendar and have done both arms and push ups.   Back on track eating.   Something I used to tell my addiction clients is resonating with me today... Being sick is one of the biggest challenges you'll face.   It throws off your eating and sleeping,  and is a dangerous time for relapse.   Turns out that's doubly true for fitness and healthy eating.   In both cases,  we've just got to dust ourselves off and get back at it.   Change isn't going to happen by itself.  

Friday, January 29, 2016

Week 2

Well,  here I am.  Another year and I'm still fat. This year,  I'm determined to make a change, instead of whining and complaining about how nothing fits, and I hate buying clothes in the size I do,  and that I'm out of shape, or any of the other various complaints about my size and fitness level.  This year,  it will be different.   This year,  I am doing some thing besides sitting on my duff eating chips and washing it down with a diet soda.  I've seen the Oprah commercials 'the year of my best body',  and it has struck a chord in me.  I want make 2016 the year I started working toward MY best body. I've been down this road. More than once even. I look at the pictures from a little over a decade ago,  when I was at my goal weight of 140.  I had lost 100 pounds,and kept it off for 2 years.  I was working at a health club, eating healthy, and was living the skinny dream.  Only it wasn't. I had bought into the thin dream,  worked my butt off to make it happen,  and was maintaining the loss,  but mentally,  I was still the fat girl. When I looked in the mirror,  I still saw the 240 lb.  me, not the new and societally approved version of me. I was obsessed with my weight, and the number on the scale. Missing a workout was reason for near panic attack.   Long story short,  my grandfather passed away,  I had back surgery,and I stopped making me a priority.   I had burned myself out big time.  The weight started creeping back on,  then packed on.... fast.... thanks to the antidepressants and lack of caring.   Fast forward to 2016 and here I am.  I've gained it all back, and then some. Oh, and add some more.   I've got to make changes,  because this.... Obesity, fatigue, not being able to keep up with my's not working for me anymore.   I'm eternally grateful to my friend Sara for telling me we were applying for Healthy U,  and for the opportunity for HU2.   I've got more support than I ever,  and it's amazing.   This time,  I know what to expect.   This time,  I'm going to make it stick.  Its not my goal to be skinny,  but I am going to be healthy.   To make healthier decisions. To set a good example for my girls.  And to finally be proud of myself and the work I'm doing.